Uneasy thoughts

If I didn't think suicide was so selfish and I didn't think that life could be really awesome I may have already killed myself. I know that's dramatic and vague but it's kind of seriously how I feel. I have never been so stressed out in my life. Every single thing that could be falling apart is trying to do just that. I am so absolutely blessed with such beautiful and wonderful friends but sometimes I just want to hop on a one-way flight straight out of here, never looking back with no regrets or remorse. Maybe Wayne has room for me on his ever-moving caravan? How do I make everyone happy in this life? Even more confusing, how do I make myself happy? I am immobilized by fear and pain and stress and an unstoppable loneliness and longing for help. I'm always the one who has to fix everything and I just wonder why that is. How is it always me?! I'm just so frustrated by it! I need HELP! I can't keep being the person who people look to in my family unit. I'm just a kid. It's something people forget, I'm just a kid. I'm still learning how to be alive I can't be held responsible for your lives too. I'm everyone's keeper and I'm about to collapse. I just want last weekend to come back where for once I felt like a normal young adult without the pain of being needed. It kills me. I'm just going to sleep forever at this point because I don't see what else there is to do. I am so broken I can't even cry because the tears aren't there. I just want to live well And be loved. Help me before I just run away and never look back.