Distant

I find myself feeling distant these last few months. I am not okay with it. I am also not okay with the fact that I have a longing for something that never should have been to begin with. How am I supposed to be able to get over it if I wake from dreams on bitter nights so cozy from the memory? Awful. How on earth can I figure out a way to convince my brain that the words were just words and the feelings were all fabricated because at this point that must be true. I try all the time to reach out and being that it goes so unreciprocated I have to know that the former is true. Why?! Why did I let myself do that to myself? Every single step of the way I told myself not to do what I was doing - not to let my wall down but I did and here I am... hurting at 6am, the whole time you're warm as ever in your own little world. You're horrible and worst part is I know you're not thinking of me or feeling any kind of guilt. You're an honestly terrible person, I can hardly stand it.